Is this really our Country?

Posted in Uncategorized on January 29, 2009 by thetruthaboutjay

For those of you who read my blog this is going to be a different kind of post. If you’ve been reading along you probably think I’m kind of a straight forward, cold jerk. This story however made me really REALLY sad

“A 93-year-old Bay City man froze to death inside his home several days after the city limited his electricity for failing to pay his bills.

Marvin Schur, who lived alone, died slowly and painfully from hypothermia, said Dr. Kanu Virani, a deputy chief medical examiner for Oakland County who performed the autopsy.

When Schur’s body was discovered by a neighbor Jan. 17, the temperature inside the home was less than 32 degrees, Virani said today.

Bay City Electric Light & Power placed a “limiter” outside Schur’s home Jan. 13 after he failed to pay an undetermined amount of electricity charges.

The device limits the flow of electricity to the house. If the flow exceeds the limited amount, the device shuts down and must be reset.

The device had apparently shut down prior to Schur’s death.”

Is this really our country? Is this America? Do we really let an elderly man, a man of 93 years freeze to death alone in his house? Money is simply not more important than life yet this company weighed the two options and decided that money entitled them to shut off this man’s heat and let him die. I think part of me is upset because of how scared and alone that man must have felt. Though much is known about what happens to the body in the extreme cold, scientists don’t have  specific core body temp that equals a freezing death. In the nazi ice baths it was recorded aroun 77 degree yet the coldest recorded temp where the person was revived and saved was around 63 degrees. I bet this man, shivering, cold and alone just simply gave up. We’ll never truly know but this country is a much poorer place for allowing this fate to befall one of its own. Honestly if every person who could gave a penny, a single penny we could have made a difference if given the chance. What did this man’s death cost? Would he be alive if he’d had 20 more dollars in his bank account to pay the power company? God I have to stop talking about it. It makes me feel so sick to my stomach to think about. Something has been lost people! Somewhere along the way we forgot. We forgot about equal rights for gays to marry, we forgot that people, as individuals, matter. It makes me wonder who else is being left out in the cold. Please write and let me know that I’m not the only person out there who thinks that this power company needs to pay for what they’ve done.


The Ex Files

Posted in Uncategorized on January 25, 2009 by thetruthaboutjay
Just stay down already!!!!

Just stay down already!!!!

So I’m out and about last night after an amazing dinner party and I’m leaving the bar to go elsewhere when who should I see but the crazy ex who left far too many messages with far too many demands for early in a dating scenario. But wanting to be the mature adult that I am I say “Hi.” No more and no less. quiet literally the only word that leaves my face is “Hi” and a quick akward hug. I leave thinking nothing of it. THEN i wake up this morning to a text message from him that says ” I can’t believe you said hi to me after the way you left things. I don’t think you realize how bad you hurt me.” I’m thinking to myself  CASE AND POINT!!!! first and foremost I didn’t leave things any which way. I asked him for specific space and time so that I could keep perspective on my career and do the best work I could do there. He simply couldn’t give up the needy and bitchy text messages and voice-mails so i just decided to move on. Now while the choice to end the relationship was mine, I certainly didn’t just get up and leave and refuse to talk to him. I tried an before the relationship was even over he loosed the verbal dogs” It was really as though he’d spent his time watching soap oera’s and writing down the day-time emmy style barbs the oh-so-3-dimensional characters would use on one another. Now I told him that I wasn’t willing to get past it because it showed his true character. That there were too many signs that we weren’t going to last and that it was in our best interests to go our seperate ways. He asked me a few times to sit down and have a face to face but the truth of the matter is he doesn’t listen anyway so what would the point have been. I said no and then life went on. I met a great guy who I’ve been dating since and it couldn’t be better. But this text message is really bugging the shit outta me. So allow me to break it down just like momma used to make.

First and foremost…”I can’t believe you said hi to me”

Really? Hi is incendiary? Shut the fuck up!!!! No it’s not.  it’s called the standard human greeting regardless of intention of affection. It would have been rude to stand there and not say hello and I’m not the toddler who shit his diaper and now is pissed to sit in the shit you made.  You are 31 years old. What the hell is wrong with you??? stop embarassing yourself and grow up.

“After how YOU left things”

you simply couldn’t stop with the needy voice mails and constant calls and barage of insults. I didn’t leave things any way. You made them that way and I ……Just…..Left.

Oh and P.s…… if every relationship you begin ends the same way let’s go back to basic science….the constant, the thing all your “EX-periments (pun intended) have in common is YOU.  So stop creating situations in which you kill your own happiness.

“I don’t think you realize how bad you hurt me”

I don’t care how bad i hurt you. I know it sounds harsh but you and I don’t speak the same language. Instead of learning to speak mine you did what the texans do. You tried the same words Louder and Slower!

in closing, grow up and learn t feed your happiness rather than keep creating drama. You look foolish when you create drama but you are the only one splashing around in it. You might as well be in an empty kiddie pool wearing those water-wing floaties asking people around you to come swim with you. Seriously… you are too old for this bullshit. GET IT TOGETHER!

thanks for reading


The Rules 3

Posted in Uncategorized on January 11, 2009 by thetruthaboutjay
This is what you get!

This is what you get!

So what is it about these guys that get involved with a new guy and then totally change their whole lives from that second??? It’s like you have these friends and they are really cool and then they meet a guy and all of a sudden they turn into dickheads. Case and point my roommate “Andy.” Last night I’m using andy’s computer in the living room and the door opens. It’s andy with this guy. Andy throws his keys at me and says “you’re downstairs?” (as though the living room is off limits) I start logging off his computer but he says “we’re going to use the rooftop deck outside your room.” Doesn’t ask if its okay to take this guy who i don’t know through my room, just goes upstairs. So clearly i’m not going to go upstairs so I stay where I am. He rushes downstairs about 20 minutes later and says verbatim “I need you to leave us the fuck alone now!” as though i had been hanging around them or impeding some plan that i knew nothing about. So I go upstairs. PISSED but whatever.

Then i ask him to bring up my laptop via text message. He ignores it for over an hour and then finally this guy leaves. Andy comes upstairs to talk to me about his evening. I stop him right then and there and tell him i’m not interested in having this conversation and that he needs to go away. Now we’ve got a unique living situation in that Andy shares a room and I have my own. He couldn’t bring the guy upstairs to his room but that’s not my problem. I had nothing to do with the living arrangement that was set up. I came into it much later than they did. But the kitchen is downstairs as is the living room. I wouldn’t have minded being asked nicely to do anything. i’m a reasonable guy but don’t fucking toss your keys at me and expect me to understand that that somehow means go upstairs or even get off my computer. also don’t come up to me and start a sentence with “I need you to leave us the fuck the alone now” Now he was drunk but he’s also a grown ass man and I don’t give out drunk passes because i’m a grown ass man and i’m expected to handle myself as such every day. i don’t have time or patience for people who can’t.

My conclusion? friendship over. I have no reason or need to ever deal with andy on a friendship level ever again. Especially because we were supposed to hang out after he went to this party and instead he ditched me and then came home and started with me as i explained. I don’t think i’m being too harsh but I’m open to opinions. But seriously….friendship over. If a few drinks and a new guy turn him into that person. Then I simply have no need for the person he is the other 99% of the time. It doesn’t matter if 99% of the time you don’t murder anyone but then one day you do. You are branded a murderer from that moment on. Why is it any different for this?


If you bite the hand that feeds you, don’t complain if that hand balls up into a fist and socks you in the muthafuckin eye!

Thanks for reading


The Rules 2

Posted in Uncategorized on January 6, 2009 by thetruthaboutjay

Hey ya’ll!!! I told you I travel a lot for work. I’m back again and I just bought a new netbook so that I can stay in touch more. I miss you guys when I’m away. SO anyway I got so many fun emails about my last rules posting that I thought to ring in the new year I’d add another.


Thou shall not hook up with boys in a relationship. A good friend of mine starting telling me this tale of intrigue and romance and I was so very into it until I found out that the guy he has been spending time with has a boyfriend of 5 years and they own a house together. The real rule isn’t about hooking up, it’s about paying attention. If this is how he treats his boyfriend of 5 years, sneaking around and being less than honest then how will he treat you??!!?? People not only is it bad karma but it’s down right devisive to our community. Is it really so hard to say to someone “This isn’t working anymore, goodbye?” I’ve never struggled to say it because at the end of the day both me and the person i’m dating deserve a real chance at happiness and generally you don’t get your by ending someone elses. So if he’s got a dude, then he’s rude, got a soul, you’re on a roll. write it down and keep it in your wallets!



The Rules

Posted in Uncategorized with tags on December 29, 2008 by thetruthaboutjay

I’ve been having this recent occurrence where, things will happen to me or my friends and I can hardly believe that people would be so blind!  I have decided to making general rules and rulings that, if adhered to, will benefit the gay community, and thusly benefit the world. Accept them as truth and that me for them though they may come wrapped in New England style conceit. (It’s like the clam chowdah, laid on thick)

Rule number 1: Slow………the…………..fuck…………..down

What is it with guys and meeting you and then wanting everything to go so fast. One of my friends was told ona second date that this guy wanted to put my friend on his medical and dental insurance plans! Really? on a second date???? What the hell are you thinking?

As most of you know I was interested in a guy who turned out to be a stalker. After about a month he was not only super jealous and demanding, but possessive and “in love” after a month. When I dumped him he had a pre-fabricated list of insults followed by an even lamer way of texting me pictures of his dick (which wasn’t that big) and songs that made him think of me. Songs like midnight train to Georgia. Really? After a month you planned on life together with me? get it together.

I was out with a close friend of mine and a guy who he was intersested in. This guy instantly tries to impress me (which didn’t work) and then managed to nearabout disgust my friend. He tells me he wants to take off so we do, but right before we get to leave there is this gross, awkward hug goodbye where my friend is just trying to give a friendly one-armed hug and this guy is going in for the short make-out session. He then followed this up with a dozen or so paranoid text messages asking what he did wrong and demanding to be told if my friend wasn’t interested so he could stop wasting his time and blah blah blah.

SO here is the rule. SLOW DOWN. there is plenty of time to find the right person for you AND btw who ever said it was going to be easy? Stop trying to rush through all the steps of getting to know a guy and finding out if you two mesh, then hanging out, then dating, then deciding naturally if you guys want to try something more serious like being exclusive or being boyfriends. From there ride the wave that’s given, and stop spending (wasting your time) trying to create one that’s not there. Slowing down might just be the key to your actual happiness instead of throwing countless bad dates into that void that you call a life. take the time to fill it with quality people and watch it disappear.

Quick Recap

1) Don’t offer weird things on the first date

2) Don’t over-text, over call or make demands

3) Ride the wave that’s given instead of constantly trying to create your own, you are only splashing water out of your own kiddie pool.

Thanks for reading


Christmas Reflections

Posted in Uncategorized on December 26, 2008 by thetruthaboutjay

Do me a favor. Take 3 deep breaths and close your eyes and wish for the guy to the left to be holding that mistletoe just a bit lower. Done? Didn’t work for you either? Well i’m glad you tried AND if you didn’t ……FUCK YOU. I kid!  Welcome to “Christmas Reflections!!!!” The holidays have always had a weird effect on me. I think it’s because I’ve always been a watcher. I enjoy staying on the outskirts of the experience and logging how others navigate the waters of life. I tend to reflect on my life from about Christmas until the New Year and for the first time ever I plan on sharing the experience.

2008 was an interesting year for me. It was filled with a lot of firsts and a lot of personal trials. There was a time in society, not ours so much but in other societies when men had to go through some rite of passage in order to be considered an adult. In this day and age there is nothing. Kids, young adults and even some adults who are too grown to act up are so far from adulthood, so far from having earned anything that it kind of makes me sick. (I’m a bit of an elitist like that) So for me at 27 years old 2008 was a crucible. I found myself over and over again standing on the far side of my quarter-life crisis and there were questions to answer. There were questions about my career and my belief in my ability to succeed, life, love and the pursuit of happiness. I’m happy to report that all systems are go. I am however going to be making a lot of changes in 09. First and foremost I’m pretty sure this is the year i’m going to tell my family not to expect me to bring home any girls again. And I’m thinking about moving again so i might be coming to a city near you. I’m also totally overhauling my diet and workout plan because I’m just honestly not working as hard as I could be and that needs to stop. SO that’s it i guess. I need some ideas for a quiet but hot new years eve with my boyfriend. Any ideas?

I’m not dead

Posted in Uncategorized on December 21, 2008 by thetruthaboutjay

Hey ya’ll. Sorry. I was away on business and simply did not have time to post. Thankfully I’m back and better than ever. So few updates. I told boyfriend that my career required travel from time to time. He basically went nuts and I had to tell him to step back so we could re-evaluate things. He demanded to come visit  so I let that happen and he was fine for like another week. Then the nuts again!!!!!!!!!! I’d wake up and there would be 9 messages in my voicemail from him demanding things from me that he just hadn’t earned the right to demand. Long story short I had to take it out back and give it the “ole yeller”

However during the course of this trip i did meet a guy who truly has challenged everything about me and my attitudes and he and I are seeing each other. I just got back from 2 days at his place and it was truly amazing. Details to follow. Thanks for reading!!!! I’m back!